1. |
moon ii
03:30
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i don’t know how to dance, and i’m not gonna try to learn now
but if you show me how i take it all back
like when i took that picture of you with my sweater on
listening to mitski songs in a cowboy hat
all week we dance around the subject until i come over
if i smoke cigarettes am i sober
does 21 feel any older
do my hormones really make me colder
none of it’s important
i got overwhelmed during sex so i spaced out
cried a little as you went down, but you never saw
retrospectively, all i needed was a friend
you made it seem like i initiated, i mean i never said no
i had to go to nevada to figure all this shit out
find new things to think about, create a wall
yeah, and just when i thought i’d escaped i saw THE MOON in the sky
i stared and it hurt my eyes
you don’t want me to talk about it do you
until it’s too late to
all year we dance
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2. |
shasta
01:57
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i took a trip to shasta just to get away
i was in the ER an entire day
found comfort in a beatles puzzle
foreign albums, obscure EPs
and every fifteen minutes they would come by to check in on me
i took a trip to shasta for a couple days
i went outside three times my entire stay
when i left i cut out my own stitches,
threw the socks i’d got away
begrudgingly switched to a new dose of the meds that didn’t work for me
and i thought i’d catch THE MOON from the window
but the angle wasn’t right
and on the paper where i wrote down numbers,
yours was absent every night
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3. |
so separated
03:23
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so beautiful are the cracks of light that shine through your window
so powerful are the winds that hit this part of the coast
but so separated, intangible as ever
so separated, phantom limb twice severed
conceivable, i hold the power
barely lost the will, i’ll hide it in the shower
give into the voices, never watch another person die
don’t start feeling guilty, you’ve never even seen her cry
the smallest pull sends me tumbling deep in emotional tidepools
so terrible, you exist in a comfortable void in my bedroom
but so separated, intangible as ever
so separated, phantom limb twice severed
illegible, scratch paper bumpy counter
illegible, scratch paper bumpy counter
it’s rock n roll, can my guitar get any louder
so horrible, i shouldn’t be around her
heart’s separated, intangible as ever
so separated, phantom limb twice severed
should i even write a letter
they’ll find me in the shower, cold water crashing into me
too late by half an hour
too late by half an hour
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4. |
be hurt
02:43
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i don’t wanna be hurt
i don’t wanna be hurt
i don’t wanna be hurt
i don’t wanna be hurt
is it so much to ask for
is it too hard to take
is it a struggle to process
does it leave a bad taste
that you can’t brush out
or drink it away
you hold hands with your girlfriend
and say “hi” to me
i’ll be your best friend
in another state
and if that’s how you like it
then i’ll go away
cause i don’t wanna be hurt
i don’t wanna be hurt
i don’t wanna be hurt
i don’t wanna be hurt
i / don’t / want / to / be / hurt
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5. |
birthright
03:15
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you’ll watch me fall down the same dark hole that my dad fell in
twenty years old, regulating with heroin
he got drafted, went through basic
cleaned himself up, got married, and had a kid
i wish i could talk to the dead
find the source of the shit going on in my head
i wonder if he was bipolar too
did it come from my mom’s side, is it my birthright
if i say
“i hate this part of me”
you’d just say
“it’s still a part of (me)”
all i can do is grow,
can do is change,
i’ll die alone the best way
time’s a flat circle, i’ll always end up where i came from
despite how i try, i’ll make the same mistakes
over and over and over again, like destiny thinks i’m my parents
so where does the half that survived come in, do i decide i wanna live
i wish i could know, i fuckin wish i could know,
fuck, i wish i could know, i wish i knew
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6. |
yesterday
03:18
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he crashed his bike, but it’s alright
he got a chance at a better life
and let it fall by the wayside
it was too much stress for just one guy
you left early for reasons
reasonable when i speak them
but devastating when i faced them
it’s just a chemical reaction
and it struck me that for once, the sky obscured THE MOON
felt like my energy was all used up in june
awful coping patterns creep back into my routine
i don’t feel (feel seen)
i took a walk to the ocean
over the bridge past the benches
down the steps to the waterfront
disassociate to the sound of
waves (i never lost the will to jump)
oh when tiny little voices turn into even smaller voices
tiny little voices, aaaaah
oh when tiny little voices turn into even smaller voices
tiny little voices, aaaaah
oh, they won’t hear you calling as you sink into the ocean
tiny little voices, aaaaah
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7. |
27s club
01:26
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i wanna give everything i can to you,
love, a hug, a hand to hold your hair back
from the toilet bowl
i don’t wanna hurt you, but it hurts to see you struggling,
which is why you felt me tugging on your collar as you grabbed another beer
harm reduction’s healthy to a point,
but when you’re weaning off your lithium to make room for drugs and alcohol
i’m worried i’m complicit in what’s keeping you down
21’s not 27, give it six more years for kurt, and 13 more for elliott
i wanna see you famous
i wanna see you selling out a stadium, or playing in your living room,
to the people that you love, and i wanna see you live
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8. |
will
03:47
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i stare at the water, reflecting the stars
waves crashing remind us exactly where we are
your silence speaks volumes, though not for the worse
we both feel the evenings when we took dying lightly
cause it’s a new feeling to be on a bridge
and i’m not thinking much of anything
maybe your hair looks good tonight
maybe THE MOON is shining brightly
hear me friend, know it gets better yet
but nothing disastrous, no urge, for a change
i enjoy the moment, it feels so strange
i still hold the power, i could use it at will
but my legs are tethered, my feet are rooted tightly
hear me friend, know it gets better yet
hear me friend, know it gets better
hear me friend, know it gets
better, better, better, better, better
yet
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saoirse dream Portland, Oregon
popstar via lauren records
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